Are You Lacking Sex or Intimacy? Or Both?

Ryan M

We don’t need lab rats or scientific data to tell us that sex feels good. We know that when we have it, we experience physical and psychological effects that generate pleasure. From the anticipation that stimulates the mind, to the touch that arouses the body, sex should be explored to the fullest and savored at every opportunity. As we know, exercise and stress relief are just two of the many benefits. However, without going into the science of sex, how much can its absence influence our likelihood of becoming unhappy or depressed?

We’ve all heard someone say, “he/she just needs to get laid”. They could be a jealous friend, a co-worker with an attitude problem, or even an unappreciative boss. So, how much truth is in that statement? Well, it appears that it may be more than just a sex deficiency. We can have all the sex in the world, but it doesn’t mean we’re feeling satisfied when it comes to feeling intimacy, which may be the problem.

 “Most humans are wired for connection and crave some type of emotional or physical intimacy in their life,” explains Dr. Rose Hartzell, Ph.D., EdS. “When this is lacking, it can cause some individuals dissatisfaction or ultimately depression.”

When it comes to intimacy, it doesn’t always have to be about sex. It can be as simple as physical touch, like holding hands or a massage. This is a great opportunity to revisit the closeness you may have enjoyed in the past or never at all. It’s amazing what touching a specific part of someone’s body will do when it’s been without contact.

If you prefer to enhance the intimacy during sex, be aware of your eye contact. Sex with intimacy is about a connection, something deeper than the pursuit of an orgasm. There’s a reason missionary position feels more intimate than doggy style.

When it comes to feeling that emotional sense of connection, share your desires, passions, and ideas. If something is bothering you, talk about it and allow your partner to witness your vulnerability. Build upon these opportunities to bond and focus on enhancing your communication. You may be surprised how strengthening your emotional relationship can improve intimacy, in its entirety.  

If a lack of intimacy isn’t the issue and you’re just pining for a good, old fashioned banging, go out and get some. There’s been a bunch of articles published in the last few years about women suffering from “depressed” vaginas. If you Google it, you’ll be able to read all about it and the suggestion to go out there and just have sex. Yet, there’s been no reference to any “depressed” penises. We can only wonder why that may be. Maybe it’s because men masturbate more frequently? Either way, if you can’t experience sex with intimacy or sex at all, take matters into your own hands. Alleviating stress or sadness can be treated quicker than you think. Besides, doesn’t true happiness start with loving ourselves?

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